Honest Job Description: Now Hiring!
What an Honest Therapist Job Description Looks Like: Now Hiring!
Emotional Ninja with Advanced Human Decoder Skills
Are you the kind of person who can sit with another human in complete silence for 47 seconds and not feel weird about it? Can you decode a single raised eyebrow, a subtle sigh, and a perfectly timed "I'm fine" to know that absolutely nothing is fine? Great. We’ve been waiting for you.
Your Superpowers Include:
Listening like a Jedi while subtly guiding someone through the darkest corners of their mind-palace. Usually without them even realizing it.
Nodding empathetically while also thinking, “Yes, let’s rewire that belief system, shall we?”
Being fluent in inner child dialects, avoidance subtext, and nervous system glitches.
Staying calm while someone says, “I’ve never told anyone this before…” when you really want to start ringing a cowbell and cheering for them!
Daily Missions:
Help people put their emotional IKEA furniture back together—sometimes without the manual. Ok, usually without the manual.
Sit with people as they untangle years of “I’m fine.”
Skilled in asking gentle questions until someone cries.
Spend roughly 480 uninterrupted emotionally full minutes that leave you and existentially tired (in a good way, every day of the workweek.
Talent in writing that is specific enough to convince insurance you're not just chatting about crystals, vague enough to apply to their inner child and their work stress, and thorough enough to make a judge say, “Wow, this clinician really did cover their ass.”
Bonus Points If:
You know what EMDR is and can explain it without sounding like a wizard (even though it's kind of wizardry).
You’ve said, “Let’s take a breath,” more than 12 times in one day.
You bring your dog to supervision.
You’ve ever said, “Have you tried grounding techniques?” while also Googling “why do I feel like a floating brain?”
You use one of these acronyms or abbreviations on a daily basis: SUD, CBT, DBT, ABC, EMDR, NB, VOC, RX, CPT, PRN, SOAP, DAP, CX, TX, CIS, CYA.
You have stock in a facial tissue company.
What You Get:
A cozy office that doesn’t smell like fluorescent lights. Well, not all the time.
Coworkers who know how to debrief without turning it into a TED Talk.
Freedom to work in-person or via glowing rectangle. On the plus side, you get to practice your “poker face” in real time when you’re camera is on.
Flexibility, community, and snacks (we’re not monsters…and this a private practice. This is our place, we make the rules).
Categories:
Therapy
Job description
