5 Ways to Practice Self-Compassion (When It Feels Impossible)

Let’s be honest, being kind to ourselves can feel a lot harder than being kind to anyone else.
I often ask my clients what they would say to a friend who’s struggling. Without hesitation they can give a compassionate answer. Then I ask them what it would be like if they spoke to themselves as compassionately as they do to others. That inner critic has a loud voice and isn’t afraid to use it. 

Self-compassion isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about treating yourself with the same care you’d offer someone you love  even when things aren’t going great. Especially then.

Here are five small, realistic ways to start practicing it.

1. Catch the tone of your self-talk

Most of us talk to ourselves in ways we’d never talk to another person. Pay attention to the words that pop up when you make a mistake or feel behind.

If you catch that harsh inner voice, try softening it, even a little.
Instead of “I’m such a mess,” try, “I’m having a tough moment right now.”
It may sound simple, but this small shift helps your brain move from shame to understanding.

2. Give yourself permission to be human

Perfection is a moving target that no one ever reaches. We all lose patience, forget things, say the wrong words, or need time to rest.

When you find yourself spiraling about not doing enough, remind yourself: Being human means having limits. You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to learn as you go. You’re allowed to be a human. 

3. Try the “best friend test”

When you’re feeling down, ask: What would I say to my best friend if they were going through this?
Then, say that to yourself.

This practice helps you access compassion more easily not because you’re faking it, but because your caring instincts are already strong. You’re just redirecting them inward. And even if you don’t believe the words, you’re still forging the way for new, more compassionate, pathways to develop in your brain. 

4. Slow down before you “should” yourself

“I should be over this.”
“I should be doing more.”
“I should be grateful.”

Sound familiar? Every “should” adds pressure. When you hear yourself saying “should,” pause and ask, Why ‘should’ I? Who does that serve? What do I actually need right now? Your circumstances are unique to you, and “shoulds” don’t take that into consideration. 

5. Practice micro-moments of kindness

Self-compassion isn’t always about deep reflection. Sometimes it’s just about small, caring acts that tell your nervous system, I’m safe, I’m cared for.

That might look like:

• Making your favorite tea instead of skipping breakfast.

• Stepping outside to feel the sun for one minute.

• Saying “This is hard, but I’m trying.”

Tiny moments of care add up. Over time, they start to feel natural.

Compassion isn’t a reward, it is a resource.

You don’t have to earn self-compassion by fixing everything first. It’s something that helps you heal along the way.

The more you practice offering yourself understanding instead of judgment, the easier it becomes to navigate hard days without falling apart.

And even when it still feels impossible, that’s okay too. Just noticing that you want to treat yourself more gently is a sign of growth.

Tags: 

Compassion

Self care

Gratitude